Is It Me? Is It Really Me?
24 July, 2008 by malcolm-
I know it has certainly been a very long break since I last blogged more than 2 months ago. I can say that many things have happened over the last few months, but I've just been yes yes... It'll go away... But maybe coz I've been quite tired and worn out so I get emo easily.
Well first things first. Office stuff. As some might have known I got the award. But somehow I don't feel it. No doubt it is a fantastic recognition, but I really ask myself recently if I deserve it. I still find so many things with me that I just think needs improvements. I feel at times I'm too individualistic. It just seems to me that I lack the team work. Let alone team excellence.
I don't know I should call it trust or I should just call it assume or just simply lazy on my part. Am I that lousy or ineffective leading a team? Was it me that set the standards too high? Or do I expect the same level of commitment I give from them? It simply does not make me feel good or reflect well on us when I here this and that. And at times I just keep quiet, not because I can't be bothered but just didn't want to add on to already what has been said.
Am I protecting them too much? Or did I simply didn't teach them enough? I may smile and laugh and yes admit it was me.. My mistake.. But how long can I do it for? Okie this is my point of view, not necessarily yours. Somehow, all these things make me feel undeserving of the award. What good is me looking good on the exterior but actually inferior in the interior.
I know you might say I'm speaking in circles. But there are just simply too much things going inside me. Replacement is never an option. It's not that work doesn't get done. But somehow the attitude and commitment is just wrong wrong wrong... Oh wells am I really helping them?
just some random photo i captured at katherine gorge, northern territory just last month...
Well first things first. Office stuff. As some might have known I got the award. But somehow I don't feel it. No doubt it is a fantastic recognition, but I really ask myself recently if I deserve it. I still find so many things with me that I just think needs improvements. I feel at times I'm too individualistic. It just seems to me that I lack the team work. Let alone team excellence.
I don't know I should call it trust or I should just call it assume or just simply lazy on my part. Am I that lousy or ineffective leading a team? Was it me that set the standards too high? Or do I expect the same level of commitment I give from them? It simply does not make me feel good or reflect well on us when I here this and that. And at times I just keep quiet, not because I can't be bothered but just didn't want to add on to already what has been said.
Am I protecting them too much? Or did I simply didn't teach them enough? I may smile and laugh and yes admit it was me.. My mistake.. But how long can I do it for? Okie this is my point of view, not necessarily yours. Somehow, all these things make me feel undeserving of the award. What good is me looking good on the exterior but actually inferior in the interior.
I know you might say I'm speaking in circles. But there are just simply too much things going inside me. Replacement is never an option. It's not that work doesn't get done. But somehow the attitude and commitment is just wrong wrong wrong... Oh wells am I really helping them?
just some random photo i captured at katherine gorge, northern territory just last month...
