nocturne in light

I know it has certainly been a very long break since I last blogged more than 2 months ago. I can say that many things have happened over the last few months, but I've just been yes yes... It'll go away... But maybe coz I've been quite tired and worn out so I get emo easily.

Well first things first. Office stuff. As some might have known I got the award. But somehow I don't feel it. No doubt it is a fantastic recognition, but I really ask myself recently if I deserve it. I still find so many things with me that I just think needs improvements. I feel at times I'm too individualistic. It just seems to me that I lack the team work. Let alone team excellence.

I don't know I should call it trust or I should just call it assume or just simply lazy on my part. Am I that lousy or ineffective leading a team? Was it me that set the standards too high? Or do I expect the same level of commitment I give from them? It simply does not make me feel good or reflect well on us when I here this and that. And at times I just keep quiet, not because I can't be bothered but just didn't want to add on to already what has been said.

Am I protecting them too much? Or did I simply didn't teach them enough? I may smile and laugh and yes admit it was me.. My mistake.. But how long can I do it for? Okie this is my point of view, not necessarily yours. Somehow, all these things make me feel undeserving of the award. What good is me looking good on the exterior but actually inferior in the interior.

I know you might say I'm speaking in circles. But there are just simply too much things going inside me. Replacement is never an option. It's not that work doesn't get done. But somehow the attitude and commitment is just wrong wrong wrong... Oh wells am I really helping them?

Oh my! This is my very first post of the year. And I guess this post is actually quite meaningful to me. Was sent to Korat, Thailand, from 27 Jan to 1 Feb, due to my job requirements. It's the city where the last SEA games were held.

During that period, I had the opportunity to visit two local villages due to the community involvement programme in which I had to cover.

I got to say it has been very enriching. The photography I got to do there was something I haven't done in a long time (ever since the old folks home last year). The style that I have been looking for. The type of photography that tells a story behind every shot. Behind every smile, behind every tear that was captured, is a story of its own. The type of photography that I wish and want to pursue. It certainly beats all that I have been shooting all this while...

The above shot is my favourite of all that I took. I guess the colours and the depth of field really makes the boy stand out. He was a curious little boy, running all round the place. It was really hard to capture him being still, not until he stopped and looked at another guy with a camera.

The community involvement included medical services and also hair cutting services. It kinda reminded me of BMT, but obviously it was different. The guys got almost the same hair cut, which was kinda cute actually. This photo also struck me, in how I got the eye contact of both and how it actually turned out to be. It make them look like twins actually, but I doubt they are.

Well, having to mention about the medical services, it wasn't only limited to just the kids of course. Even before the place was set up, many locals have already gathered there. Many were old folks actually, because health care was quite inaccessible for them or simply could not afford it. The wrinkles on both their faces really tells me that every stroke on their face is a story. These are stories that have been left untold, and probably will never be told.

Another person that caught my eye was this old lady. She was all along at a corner, sitting on nothing more than a metal cart with a straw mat. It began obvious later why it was so. It was actually a make-shift wheelchair, or rather that was what it was. This old lady had some problem with her leg joints that prevented her from walking long distances. And what I saw later on really struck me. It wasn't the son or a young man who pushed her all the distance to the place, but rather a hunched-back old man, who slowly pushed her all the way. That really showed me the meaning of true love.

This little girl also touched my heart. I guess it was her cuteness and the way she would get jealous that her younger sister drew more attention than she did. She would just go over and hug on to the younger sister whenever some stranger tries to carry her. And she would really hug her tight and so close. Childhood innocence uh...

Another thing that the kids really touched me by were their genuine smiles and laughter. They showed me that the simplest of things were really enough to be appreciated and make their day or maybe even two. It really left me thinking how lucky or privileged we are, but we never appreciate it. Give a kid in Singapore a plastic toy, he'll demand for a Lego one. But what these kids at Korat really showed me was the true meaning of being satisfied of what we have. A small cheap plastic helicopter was enough to make a kid all so grateful. Or just even a bun or a bottle of flavoured drink, which was all they got, but you could see the true smile of happiness that just overflows into your heart...

This trip has really been an excellent experience for me. It really encourages me and I really hope to one day be able to pursue this... All I ask for is just for my works to touch one heart or spread an otherwise untold story...

*More photos are at my flickr site

Well it's been a good 4 months since I was back. The link to my has always been on my Favourites toolbar, but I hardly ever click on it anymore. I have been lazy to update, but recently, I guess I need an avenue to just let off some steam.

I have been ultra-busy at work lately. With my two upper studies clearing leave, I'm the only Air Force News guy left. With events and all to cover, it simply means that tons of articles are still left undone. Well, it's not that I don't wanna do them, there's simply no time. Oh wells....

At least I have been enjoying part of my work. Shooting the RSAF Black Knights was simply amazing. Just in case you didn't know, the RSAF Black Knights are the only aerobatics team in Singapore. They are currently training for a comeback at Singapore Airshow 2008 come February. Featuring 6 F-16 Fighting Falcons, what more can you expect?

Okie, the introduction aside. So guess what? I've been assigned this task of shooting for the Black Knights. Yes, I'm the "Official" photographer for the team. Sad to say, I can't release the photos, they are embargoed and considered as "Property of MINDEF". So you might well just get to see some of my works next year during Singapore Airshow!

Talking about next year, this year has sure gone by all so quickly. It has been 9 months since I've been enlisted, and I got to say I've learnt a lot on the job, and was given the chance to go Australia too!

Christmas is just round the corner, so wishing all a great Christmas ahead. (",)